im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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