I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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