I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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