almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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