Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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