DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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