now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Still dying that you shit outside
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
