I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
