____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
