There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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