Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
