I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
