the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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