so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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