I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
