Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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