69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
