kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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