cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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