By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
