Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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