At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just threw up on my dentist
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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