i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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