why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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