They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
