hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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