Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
