Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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