So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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