Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
