So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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