need another drink. this is the easiest way
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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