Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
