take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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