Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
