Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
