I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
