went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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