I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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