I CAN MOONWALK!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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