I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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