1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's official drugs can't kill me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
