Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
