Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
