Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
