My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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