you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
