so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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