lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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