Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
