I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
