all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
