hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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